***...***

Time creeps away so stealth
you don't
even have the chance
to miss it while you're
having the
time
of your
life.

hmm

In 1374, hundreds of people along the River Rhine compulsively danced for days at a time, swept up in a terrifying mania of mass, compulsive, dancing. The hysteria spread through north-Eastern France and the Netherlands, lasting for months. Similar "dancing epidemics" broke out over the next two centuries. The new issue of The Psychologist features a scientific look at this incredibly strange kind of hysteria. From The Psychologist:

An important clue to the cause of these bizarre outbreaks lies in the fact that
they appear to have involved dissociative trance, a condition involving (among
other things) a dramatic loss of self-control. It is hard to imagine people
dancing for several days, with bruised and bloodied feet, except in an altered
state of consciousness. But we also have eyewitness evidence that they were not
fully conscious. Onlookers spoke of the dancing maniacs of 1374 as wild,
frenzied and seeing visions. One noted that while ‘they danced their minds were
no longer clear’ and another spoke of how, having wearied themselves through
dancing and jumping, they went ‘raging like beasts over the land’ (Backman,
1952). The hundreds of possessed nuns described in chronicles, legal records,
theological texts or the archives of the Catholic Inquisition were equally
subject to dissociative trance (Newman, 1998; Rosen, 1968). Some may have
simulated the behaviour of the demoniac as a means of eliciting positive
attention (Walker, 1981), but the detailed descriptions of astute and cautious
inquisitors leave little doubt that most were genuinely entranced.

title title title..

money, totals, paperwork, applications, waiting.

the dry beaurocratic bullshit rears it's head and invades my mind, interrupting what should be a peaceful summer.

no sense in procrastinating however, might as well try and get it all out of the way now so I am able to enjoy the half of summer I have left to myself.

The preperation I am attempting to accumulate for my life is preventing me from living, and placing me in a hole I am really not looking forward to digging myself out of later on.

I should be excited though, not having to work means I am allowed to do things like study on a wednesday night when I need to as opposed to working. 5 days in a work-week while attempting to go to school full time is not feesable I've discovered. Especially with the added stress of one more class bringing my already full time load to 5 classes.

Live Live Live.

This is what I am attempting to do, my path to success littered with an future, unsuccessful me.

Life Calls

There comes a time when an individual is able to slow down in a persistantly hectic life to let it all swirl by in patterns, forcing you to remind yourself about how lucky you are. Luck perhaps has nothing to do with it, only the premise that you have built the structures around you to live the life you have chosen to live, whether this be positive or negative. My current infatuation for life drives me into tempting thoughts and dreams of things that just might be acheivable. Where is it that Ill be in 4 months? Somewhere the same or somewhere completely different I have no idea. How is that the potentially stale nature of a long-term relationship has the ability to be squashed by you just being you, and us just being us. Everything is dynamic and constantly changing and every time we take another dive I feel elated, and that I could possibly be one of the luckier ones. I realize now, that growing up and maturing is taken for granted but it also sneaks up on you. I now posses thoughts I didn't even know I had the ability to comprehend whether or not I credit them to a specific experience or individual. I have a lust for the world around me at this current moment and want nothing more then to cast away all second thoughts and regrets regardless of the situation and be.

Im..sorry?

have you ever had the feeling that you owe a someone, or multiple people in your life an apology but for the life of you, cant figure out what it is you should be apologizing for?
I can't figure out however if the apologetic nature of my personality is now choosing to rear its head
or if there is legitimate cause for my feelings of guilt.

constant

thoughts in my head spin around as they have relentlessly been doing so since I was able to comprehend what it was exactly I was thinking. I toy with ideas, I try some out, sometimes I succeed, most of the time I always fail. thank you lack of will power, you've helped keep me where I'm supposed to be. If you don't succeed, try try again.

i found a calm center on google images

mouth wide shut

I totally and completely woke up on the wrong side of the bed today..Had there not been a wall I probably would have rolled off and fell into the black hole that seems to be forming into my Thursday. I wish I wasn't packing resentment the entire night last night, but how do you speak up in a room full of people who are completely content to be doing what they're doing while your slowing getting more and more anxious.

I feel so frustrated, I feel awful, tired, disappointed. I know I'm acting like a bitch to the people around me and I'm trying my best to contain the negative vibes as best as possible however its hard not to sense a storm rolling in.

He is more then one person and I forget this sometimes, he is not just the one I see, sense, touch - he has other priorities and I just wish he would habe spoken up and told me what it is he wanted to do so that I could have gotten out of the way before the band wagen swooped me up. Dropping hints is passive agressive, keeping it all to myself and sweeping it under the rug is passive and starting a fight is agressive.

I wish I was a superhero and able to plant thoughts into your brain, so I didn't have to say anything to make you address why I'm acting like a fool.

Saturday

Arg. So tired. No words to describe the heavy feeling in my eyes that seems to be weighing down every aspect of my being. I do it to myself so hold the pity. I am very excited about my weekend. FLIGHT 6:50pm this evening DESTINATION Victoria. Visiting an old friend :) very excited to spend some quality time that seems to be much overdue.

photos:)

:P

consume. consume. consume.

and don't forget to sell yourself while you're at it.

please let it be good

I am a very strong believer in first impressions not because you can judge a person on who they are, but to measure how much they actually care to let you know..how much..they care?
I don't know.
I know I have the strong ability to hold a grudge >> I wish I didn't. Because sometimes the past good is overshadowed by even more past bad.

Let it go. Let it go. Or deal with what you really feel, but please remember you don't feel anything. Keep telling yourself that.
I only have 3 more months to let it go.

mountain party

I miss Golden, and pissing in the bush. The spontaneous nights must fall upon us again very very soon.
nothing like crisp mountain air filling my lungs as I spin and spin to the bass as the sun comes up.

we walk along the path together always at one point or another, we are always there.
Rocks with me from every place
they guide the path back to where I started.
Solid and permanent they always mark place and time.

your words

"I'm so excited"

about shams? me too

"Yes that, but I'm excited about us"

worth watching

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAaQNACwaLw

if I felt the need to justify myself..;)

“Vegetarian diets offer a number of nutritional benefits, including lower levels of saturated fat, cholesterol, and animal protein, as well as higher levels of carbohydrates, fiber, magnesium, potassium, folate, and antioxidants such as vitamins C and E and phytochemicals. Vegetarians have been reported to have lower body mass indices than nonvegetarians, as well as lower rates of death from ischemic heart disease; vegetarians also show lower blood cholesterol levels; lower blood pressure; and lower rates of hypertension, type 2 diabetes, and prostate and colon cancer.”
--American Dietetic Association, June 2003 position paper

no longer

I don't pity you, as you seem to have found your niche; the one you have been searching for since I have known you. However your chameleon-like tendencies imply false fronts poised perfectly with the essential hardened accessories. I know longer feel the fondness I once did for you as the person you are seems to have changed back to who you were brought up to be. The person that left a bad taste in my mouth 4th period in grade 11. I know my person, I know it's tendancy to change so I can respect the fact, perhaps the optimist in me views change as a progessive movement upward; the realist in me knows this isn't the case. Two steps back, it's as if you dug in deep and didn't like what you saw. The surface is better, you probably said to yourself I can now change it's lanscape. However both mirror nothing significant.

It's like I was given a taste of what you could have been, I pity you don't have the capacity

Change

change; a euphemism for I hate what you've become

The Barn

This is my favourite comic strip

Its really not even that funny

But the sheep is my favourite

ha.

UGH

I am so frustrated with people around me currently, at this moment in time. Excuse me, I'm glad you have nothing to say and it's good that we can be friends as soon as the semester starts. I think you should shut up because you think you have way too many things to say that I really don't want to hear that you DIDN'T come up with yourself. Finally, I think you should come around more often and I hate myself for letting it go

THERE

I wish I could have a proper temper tantrum. I sound like a child but where better to rant then online for the world to witness. Somehow my book of writings seems too private. Does this still come off as passive aggressive..I would think so.

in time

disguised comfort in all its forms
you make me safe
jittery
spastic
love is in place
I anticipate life around you
the excitement in experience
or otherwise fantasizing over it
intoxicates me
to a point of sheer and utter exhaustion
in all I could hope to do
your accidental sentences
fuel my mental images
perfectly