sweet sweet freedom

I am free beyond boundaries.

To occupy my time..just let my mind wander with an aid*inhale slowly and breath deep

Let the surface encompass me in all it's entirety.

I sleep
soundly with no disruption

sleep it all away

and I wake up forgetting Im in your arms

but arise slowly with a smile on my face

just remember..

imitation is the highest form of flattery..

sigh*

the epicenter

To what extent are we able to determine our own locus of control. To what point are we supposed to decide (to the best of our ability) how we feel about our own lives or is this determined for you. Grasp tightly on all that it means to feel responsible, we are supposed to be on a continuum. The perfect balance between two extremes. I don't know how I feel, to spend my time analyzing the minds of the sick you are unable to compare your own to the deprived. Is it selfish of my mind to feed off the information of that which is deemed 'abnormal'? Or is the human curiosity coming out in me, in a car crash scenario?

I can never look away.

Joel

happy birthday to you..

you're twenty two..

love <3

'tis the season

There should be a sign

remember to keep your distance; we don't want any messes.

urrggh! but I guess it's you.... <3

11 days and counting

frozen

I can recall, last May our very first moments in Europe, a moment so vividly I'd swear I was reliving it over and over again. We land in Frankfurt, Germany stuck inside the airport for who knows how long trying to find the baggage claim. The underground train station connects to the airport so we hope on the train and I have yet to experience the foreign continent outside the confines of my transportation. The train we ride now and then peaks out of the tunnels but I still have yet to see anything. When we arrive at our destined stop, we stumble out of the doors still attempting to get used to the backpacks on our backs. The station itself is underground and we go underneith the main road and an escalator takes us up into what I can remember the most terrifying, beautiful, freeing moment of my life. The escalator carries us up onto the main street and I remember squeezing Alyssa's hand as the sunlight touches our faces and the smell fills my brain. I took a picture of her then, so happy she couldn't stop laughing - my hands shaking to reach for my camera I have never felt so alone in my entire life. I capture it: in front of the station, a smile I haven't seen in almost a year. I remember the lump in my throat and feeling sick to my stomach but I have never been so alive and ready to do anything in my entire life. It's been almost one year and I wish I was back there.

I don't even know how I feel about home anymore. Done, played out, experienced. I'm ready for something new to come along, something I know won't wander past me for what will seem like eternity. My passive-aggresive attitude suits my mood; I'll do something about it one day.

sister.. beautiful

My sister Chelsea and her mini photo shoot with the new camera!! Serious Herbal Essance Commercial. Pretty pretty

memories

what do you see when you smell the sunshine?

I still smell grade school and the dust off our road

I can still smell the gravel in the playground, getting on your hands, your clothes, in your runny nose

getting tired and walking home when it gets cloudy

friends, swings

why does my mind carry me back to childhood when I reminisce?

my mind searches too far and I am too young to search any closer to now

its too fresh in my mind

bunkbeds

still the black sheep

still the bad one

still take the door off it's hinges

still hiding my words

still apologizing

still in my room

still passively listen to your conversations

still want to keep my ears plugged

still only cover one

still crying

still jelous

still the little girl you saw with so much potential

I am still proud of myself

I still hold onto my decisions and beliefs

I still don't believe a word you say

2 more years

x more days, x amount of time. Its set and determined but I am anxious and bored. I am only halfway there but I need to get out of this city. There is no beauty left here. The only thing I find beautiful are the people here that make it home. I will be finished then I can leave. I would love nothing more than to pack up my stuff and move...with you of course. The thought of pitching this idea scares me more than leaving does. too many priorities and I am too tied down.
My dream includes you though, and I think it always will

contained..in a book

everything to be said

will be said eventually

my life..contained in a book

days away

past present future

excitment for tomorrow, reminising over yesterday

living now.All good.All love

lack of full moon however

There was no full moon today, today is April 3rd and it's not supposed to happen until next thursday the 9th.

that doesn't seem to stop the majority of people I dealt with today

lunatic (lu-na-tic) adjective. - from the belief that lunacy fluctuated with the phases of the moon

lunacy (lu-na-cy) noun. - INSANITY: intermittent insanity once believed to be related to phases of the moon

and there you have it.

click..cLick

New Camera! I haven't had a chance to futz* with these ones yet, but it's day 1 with my new SLR and I am quite jazzed. More to come eventually of course

..___..

No one listens to me, not even the trees

for the love of..

You are able to find true love in people, you are able to find true love in songs. Love is lasting and when you hear the tune that makes your mind melt and tears fill your eyes, you have found love. Even after growing up, growing out and learning much more than you thought you ever could in such a short amount of time, your feelings still remain. I will forever assimilate my song to my life and I will be 85 years old rockin out in my bedroom decades from now, with nothing but tears and a massive smile on my face.

luck of the Irish

What is the deal? I can never tell. Some days I wish I could pretend to be somebody completely different with a different lifestyle that would allow me to control things outside my realm. Boys don't care about you, the only ones that do are the ones you made a point of keeping. I am losing faith in friends, you cannot be of the opposite sex and have friends that are of a different nature then your own. I know that sounds cynicle however experience has taught me so. They have a list or priorities and given the option you know what they would choose. I cannot be truthful and it confuses me. I am so proud to say that the person I am with is one of the most amazing people I have ever met and after all this time I am still connected to him. This is not looked upon as an attribute in any way, shape or form. I am stamped with a label and I no longer matter to the people who can't have me. Friendship was an allusion and a ploy and now looking back I realize I never had it at all. After a certain amount of time, after gaining nothing - he realizes ...what? I'm finally not worth it, he's finally over it and what remains is absolutely nothing. It saddens me and I hate the fact that it makes me lose my faith in people. I wish I could say he stands alone but there have been way too many standing alone - they have now become a category. I categorize you dear comrad and I sincerely wish you had the decency, and respect for me, to want to prove me wrong.