luck of the Irish

What is the deal? I can never tell. Some days I wish I could pretend to be somebody completely different with a different lifestyle that would allow me to control things outside my realm. Boys don't care about you, the only ones that do are the ones you made a point of keeping. I am losing faith in friends, you cannot be of the opposite sex and have friends that are of a different nature then your own. I know that sounds cynicle however experience has taught me so. They have a list or priorities and given the option you know what they would choose. I cannot be truthful and it confuses me. I am so proud to say that the person I am with is one of the most amazing people I have ever met and after all this time I am still connected to him. This is not looked upon as an attribute in any way, shape or form. I am stamped with a label and I no longer matter to the people who can't have me. Friendship was an allusion and a ploy and now looking back I realize I never had it at all. After a certain amount of time, after gaining nothing - he realizes ...what? I'm finally not worth it, he's finally over it and what remains is absolutely nothing. It saddens me and I hate the fact that it makes me lose my faith in people. I wish I could say he stands alone but there have been way too many standing alone - they have now become a category. I categorize you dear comrad and I sincerely wish you had the decency, and respect for me, to want to prove me wrong.