frozen

I can recall, last May our very first moments in Europe, a moment so vividly I'd swear I was reliving it over and over again. We land in Frankfurt, Germany stuck inside the airport for who knows how long trying to find the baggage claim. The underground train station connects to the airport so we hope on the train and I have yet to experience the foreign continent outside the confines of my transportation. The train we ride now and then peaks out of the tunnels but I still have yet to see anything. When we arrive at our destined stop, we stumble out of the doors still attempting to get used to the backpacks on our backs. The station itself is underground and we go underneith the main road and an escalator takes us up into what I can remember the most terrifying, beautiful, freeing moment of my life. The escalator carries us up onto the main street and I remember squeezing Alyssa's hand as the sunlight touches our faces and the smell fills my brain. I took a picture of her then, so happy she couldn't stop laughing - my hands shaking to reach for my camera I have never felt so alone in my entire life. I capture it: in front of the station, a smile I haven't seen in almost a year. I remember the lump in my throat and feeling sick to my stomach but I have never been so alive and ready to do anything in my entire life. It's been almost one year and I wish I was back there.

I don't even know how I feel about home anymore. Done, played out, experienced. I'm ready for something new to come along, something I know won't wander past me for what will seem like eternity. My passive-aggresive attitude suits my mood; I'll do something about it one day.