***...***

Time creeps away so stealth
you don't
even have the chance
to miss it while you're
having the
time
of your
life.

hmm

In 1374, hundreds of people along the River Rhine compulsively danced for days at a time, swept up in a terrifying mania of mass, compulsive, dancing. The hysteria spread through north-Eastern France and the Netherlands, lasting for months. Similar "dancing epidemics" broke out over the next two centuries. The new issue of The Psychologist features a scientific look at this incredibly strange kind of hysteria. From The Psychologist:

An important clue to the cause of these bizarre outbreaks lies in the fact that
they appear to have involved dissociative trance, a condition involving (among
other things) a dramatic loss of self-control. It is hard to imagine people
dancing for several days, with bruised and bloodied feet, except in an altered
state of consciousness. But we also have eyewitness evidence that they were not
fully conscious. Onlookers spoke of the dancing maniacs of 1374 as wild,
frenzied and seeing visions. One noted that while ‘they danced their minds were
no longer clear’ and another spoke of how, having wearied themselves through
dancing and jumping, they went ‘raging like beasts over the land’ (Backman,
1952). The hundreds of possessed nuns described in chronicles, legal records,
theological texts or the archives of the Catholic Inquisition were equally
subject to dissociative trance (Newman, 1998; Rosen, 1968). Some may have
simulated the behaviour of the demoniac as a means of eliciting positive
attention (Walker, 1981), but the detailed descriptions of astute and cautious
inquisitors leave little doubt that most were genuinely entranced.

title title title..

money, totals, paperwork, applications, waiting.

the dry beaurocratic bullshit rears it's head and invades my mind, interrupting what should be a peaceful summer.

no sense in procrastinating however, might as well try and get it all out of the way now so I am able to enjoy the half of summer I have left to myself.

The preperation I am attempting to accumulate for my life is preventing me from living, and placing me in a hole I am really not looking forward to digging myself out of later on.

I should be excited though, not having to work means I am allowed to do things like study on a wednesday night when I need to as opposed to working. 5 days in a work-week while attempting to go to school full time is not feesable I've discovered. Especially with the added stress of one more class bringing my already full time load to 5 classes.

Live Live Live.

This is what I am attempting to do, my path to success littered with an future, unsuccessful me.

Life Calls

There comes a time when an individual is able to slow down in a persistantly hectic life to let it all swirl by in patterns, forcing you to remind yourself about how lucky you are. Luck perhaps has nothing to do with it, only the premise that you have built the structures around you to live the life you have chosen to live, whether this be positive or negative. My current infatuation for life drives me into tempting thoughts and dreams of things that just might be acheivable. Where is it that Ill be in 4 months? Somewhere the same or somewhere completely different I have no idea. How is that the potentially stale nature of a long-term relationship has the ability to be squashed by you just being you, and us just being us. Everything is dynamic and constantly changing and every time we take another dive I feel elated, and that I could possibly be one of the luckier ones. I realize now, that growing up and maturing is taken for granted but it also sneaks up on you. I now posses thoughts I didn't even know I had the ability to comprehend whether or not I credit them to a specific experience or individual. I have a lust for the world around me at this current moment and want nothing more then to cast away all second thoughts and regrets regardless of the situation and be.

Im..sorry?

have you ever had the feeling that you owe a someone, or multiple people in your life an apology but for the life of you, cant figure out what it is you should be apologizing for?
I can't figure out however if the apologetic nature of my personality is now choosing to rear its head
or if there is legitimate cause for my feelings of guilt.

constant

thoughts in my head spin around as they have relentlessly been doing so since I was able to comprehend what it was exactly I was thinking. I toy with ideas, I try some out, sometimes I succeed, most of the time I always fail. thank you lack of will power, you've helped keep me where I'm supposed to be. If you don't succeed, try try again.

i found a calm center on google images

mouth wide shut

I totally and completely woke up on the wrong side of the bed today..Had there not been a wall I probably would have rolled off and fell into the black hole that seems to be forming into my Thursday. I wish I wasn't packing resentment the entire night last night, but how do you speak up in a room full of people who are completely content to be doing what they're doing while your slowing getting more and more anxious.

I feel so frustrated, I feel awful, tired, disappointed. I know I'm acting like a bitch to the people around me and I'm trying my best to contain the negative vibes as best as possible however its hard not to sense a storm rolling in.

He is more then one person and I forget this sometimes, he is not just the one I see, sense, touch - he has other priorities and I just wish he would habe spoken up and told me what it is he wanted to do so that I could have gotten out of the way before the band wagen swooped me up. Dropping hints is passive agressive, keeping it all to myself and sweeping it under the rug is passive and starting a fight is agressive.

I wish I was a superhero and able to plant thoughts into your brain, so I didn't have to say anything to make you address why I'm acting like a fool.

Saturday

Arg. So tired. No words to describe the heavy feeling in my eyes that seems to be weighing down every aspect of my being. I do it to myself so hold the pity. I am very excited about my weekend. FLIGHT 6:50pm this evening DESTINATION Victoria. Visiting an old friend :) very excited to spend some quality time that seems to be much overdue.

photos:)

:P

consume. consume. consume.

and don't forget to sell yourself while you're at it.

please let it be good

I am a very strong believer in first impressions not because you can judge a person on who they are, but to measure how much they actually care to let you know..how much..they care?
I don't know.
I know I have the strong ability to hold a grudge >> I wish I didn't. Because sometimes the past good is overshadowed by even more past bad.

Let it go. Let it go. Or deal with what you really feel, but please remember you don't feel anything. Keep telling yourself that.
I only have 3 more months to let it go.

mountain party

I miss Golden, and pissing in the bush. The spontaneous nights must fall upon us again very very soon.
nothing like crisp mountain air filling my lungs as I spin and spin to the bass as the sun comes up.

we walk along the path together always at one point or another, we are always there.
Rocks with me from every place
they guide the path back to where I started.
Solid and permanent they always mark place and time.

your words

"I'm so excited"

about shams? me too

"Yes that, but I'm excited about us"

worth watching

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAaQNACwaLw

if I felt the need to justify myself..;)

“Vegetarian diets offer a number of nutritional benefits, including lower levels of saturated fat, cholesterol, and animal protein, as well as higher levels of carbohydrates, fiber, magnesium, potassium, folate, and antioxidants such as vitamins C and E and phytochemicals. Vegetarians have been reported to have lower body mass indices than nonvegetarians, as well as lower rates of death from ischemic heart disease; vegetarians also show lower blood cholesterol levels; lower blood pressure; and lower rates of hypertension, type 2 diabetes, and prostate and colon cancer.”
--American Dietetic Association, June 2003 position paper

no longer

I don't pity you, as you seem to have found your niche; the one you have been searching for since I have known you. However your chameleon-like tendencies imply false fronts poised perfectly with the essential hardened accessories. I know longer feel the fondness I once did for you as the person you are seems to have changed back to who you were brought up to be. The person that left a bad taste in my mouth 4th period in grade 11. I know my person, I know it's tendancy to change so I can respect the fact, perhaps the optimist in me views change as a progessive movement upward; the realist in me knows this isn't the case. Two steps back, it's as if you dug in deep and didn't like what you saw. The surface is better, you probably said to yourself I can now change it's lanscape. However both mirror nothing significant.

It's like I was given a taste of what you could have been, I pity you don't have the capacity

Change

change; a euphemism for I hate what you've become

The Barn

This is my favourite comic strip

Its really not even that funny

But the sheep is my favourite

ha.

UGH

I am so frustrated with people around me currently, at this moment in time. Excuse me, I'm glad you have nothing to say and it's good that we can be friends as soon as the semester starts. I think you should shut up because you think you have way too many things to say that I really don't want to hear that you DIDN'T come up with yourself. Finally, I think you should come around more often and I hate myself for letting it go

THERE

I wish I could have a proper temper tantrum. I sound like a child but where better to rant then online for the world to witness. Somehow my book of writings seems too private. Does this still come off as passive aggressive..I would think so.

in time

disguised comfort in all its forms
you make me safe
jittery
spastic
love is in place
I anticipate life around you
the excitement in experience
or otherwise fantasizing over it
intoxicates me
to a point of sheer and utter exhaustion
in all I could hope to do
your accidental sentences
fuel my mental images
perfectly

sweet sweet freedom

I am free beyond boundaries.

To occupy my time..just let my mind wander with an aid*inhale slowly and breath deep

Let the surface encompass me in all it's entirety.

I sleep
soundly with no disruption

sleep it all away

and I wake up forgetting Im in your arms

but arise slowly with a smile on my face

just remember..

imitation is the highest form of flattery..

sigh*

the epicenter

To what extent are we able to determine our own locus of control. To what point are we supposed to decide (to the best of our ability) how we feel about our own lives or is this determined for you. Grasp tightly on all that it means to feel responsible, we are supposed to be on a continuum. The perfect balance between two extremes. I don't know how I feel, to spend my time analyzing the minds of the sick you are unable to compare your own to the deprived. Is it selfish of my mind to feed off the information of that which is deemed 'abnormal'? Or is the human curiosity coming out in me, in a car crash scenario?

I can never look away.

Joel

happy birthday to you..

you're twenty two..

love <3

'tis the season

There should be a sign

remember to keep your distance; we don't want any messes.

urrggh! but I guess it's you.... <3

11 days and counting

frozen

I can recall, last May our very first moments in Europe, a moment so vividly I'd swear I was reliving it over and over again. We land in Frankfurt, Germany stuck inside the airport for who knows how long trying to find the baggage claim. The underground train station connects to the airport so we hope on the train and I have yet to experience the foreign continent outside the confines of my transportation. The train we ride now and then peaks out of the tunnels but I still have yet to see anything. When we arrive at our destined stop, we stumble out of the doors still attempting to get used to the backpacks on our backs. The station itself is underground and we go underneith the main road and an escalator takes us up into what I can remember the most terrifying, beautiful, freeing moment of my life. The escalator carries us up onto the main street and I remember squeezing Alyssa's hand as the sunlight touches our faces and the smell fills my brain. I took a picture of her then, so happy she couldn't stop laughing - my hands shaking to reach for my camera I have never felt so alone in my entire life. I capture it: in front of the station, a smile I haven't seen in almost a year. I remember the lump in my throat and feeling sick to my stomach but I have never been so alive and ready to do anything in my entire life. It's been almost one year and I wish I was back there.

I don't even know how I feel about home anymore. Done, played out, experienced. I'm ready for something new to come along, something I know won't wander past me for what will seem like eternity. My passive-aggresive attitude suits my mood; I'll do something about it one day.

sister.. beautiful

My sister Chelsea and her mini photo shoot with the new camera!! Serious Herbal Essance Commercial. Pretty pretty

memories

what do you see when you smell the sunshine?

I still smell grade school and the dust off our road

I can still smell the gravel in the playground, getting on your hands, your clothes, in your runny nose

getting tired and walking home when it gets cloudy

friends, swings

why does my mind carry me back to childhood when I reminisce?

my mind searches too far and I am too young to search any closer to now

its too fresh in my mind

bunkbeds

still the black sheep

still the bad one

still take the door off it's hinges

still hiding my words

still apologizing

still in my room

still passively listen to your conversations

still want to keep my ears plugged

still only cover one

still crying

still jelous

still the little girl you saw with so much potential

I am still proud of myself

I still hold onto my decisions and beliefs

I still don't believe a word you say

2 more years

x more days, x amount of time. Its set and determined but I am anxious and bored. I am only halfway there but I need to get out of this city. There is no beauty left here. The only thing I find beautiful are the people here that make it home. I will be finished then I can leave. I would love nothing more than to pack up my stuff and move...with you of course. The thought of pitching this idea scares me more than leaving does. too many priorities and I am too tied down.
My dream includes you though, and I think it always will

contained..in a book

everything to be said

will be said eventually

my life..contained in a book

days away

past present future

excitment for tomorrow, reminising over yesterday

living now.All good.All love

lack of full moon however

There was no full moon today, today is April 3rd and it's not supposed to happen until next thursday the 9th.

that doesn't seem to stop the majority of people I dealt with today

lunatic (lu-na-tic) adjective. - from the belief that lunacy fluctuated with the phases of the moon

lunacy (lu-na-cy) noun. - INSANITY: intermittent insanity once believed to be related to phases of the moon

and there you have it.

click..cLick

New Camera! I haven't had a chance to futz* with these ones yet, but it's day 1 with my new SLR and I am quite jazzed. More to come eventually of course

..___..

No one listens to me, not even the trees

for the love of..

You are able to find true love in people, you are able to find true love in songs. Love is lasting and when you hear the tune that makes your mind melt and tears fill your eyes, you have found love. Even after growing up, growing out and learning much more than you thought you ever could in such a short amount of time, your feelings still remain. I will forever assimilate my song to my life and I will be 85 years old rockin out in my bedroom decades from now, with nothing but tears and a massive smile on my face.

luck of the Irish

What is the deal? I can never tell. Some days I wish I could pretend to be somebody completely different with a different lifestyle that would allow me to control things outside my realm. Boys don't care about you, the only ones that do are the ones you made a point of keeping. I am losing faith in friends, you cannot be of the opposite sex and have friends that are of a different nature then your own. I know that sounds cynicle however experience has taught me so. They have a list or priorities and given the option you know what they would choose. I cannot be truthful and it confuses me. I am so proud to say that the person I am with is one of the most amazing people I have ever met and after all this time I am still connected to him. This is not looked upon as an attribute in any way, shape or form. I am stamped with a label and I no longer matter to the people who can't have me. Friendship was an allusion and a ploy and now looking back I realize I never had it at all. After a certain amount of time, after gaining nothing - he realizes ...what? I'm finally not worth it, he's finally over it and what remains is absolutely nothing. It saddens me and I hate the fact that it makes me lose my faith in people. I wish I could say he stands alone but there have been way too many standing alone - they have now become a category. I categorize you dear comrad and I sincerely wish you had the decency, and respect for me, to want to prove me wrong.

a,b, c's

What makes people consider you a part of their life? Does it have to do with the amount of time you spend with one another or the amount that the two of you share connectively? Does that make connections dead when all you hold on to is memories?

perhaps

home

shoo March, Wednesday come quick! We are about to wrap everything up and I will be free to escape when I feel like it to be necessary.

The street wraps around the bend and you can see it from 3 different directions but somehow I always choose to go the same way. To shake it up you need to enter from a different door, street...direction. How often I have pulled in and out of the same spot and how often do I leave? How often do I turn around and how often do I take it for granted? I will only miss it all when it's gone and I can't walk up the driveway and through the black door anymore.

not exactly your white picket fence but it's still beautiful

keen on green

What happens when you have a teenage boy, with his bedroom in the basement

You develop elbow holes in your window sill, I repeat -Elbow Holes

Perfect indentation marks from repeated years of sleep-aid, movie watching, and munchies.

lazzy sunday

I love my Sundays.

M on her way over..

I didn't wake up until about 1:30 this afternoon but then I flipped over and I wasn't in my own bed and I wasn't alone (wink wink)

twin peaks. (noun) - code for evening of nothingness, often a saturday, with grass, brews and no cellphones

ahh, Lazy Sundays

tatouage

extremely excited..

Now only where to get 'er done!
This will be my biggest and what I can imagine to be my most painful tattoo yet



photo coming soon

the welcome wagon

However not new to blogger, welcome to my newest blog

read on, and enjoy